I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
