just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
