I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
