Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
