Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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