Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
