shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
