...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
