isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
