The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
