True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
