i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
