# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't deserve a penis
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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