i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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