You're my little dorito
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
