No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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