I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
