She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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