i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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