Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
