you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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