her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
