I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
