so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
