why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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