We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize