Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
