What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
