If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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