was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
