girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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