I'm really into asian looking animals
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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