I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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