Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
