he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
