You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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