Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
