By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I believe in your delicious
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
