zippers are such a cool invention
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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