why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
