its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
