he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
