office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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