Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
