never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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