You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
