So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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