so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
