and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
