he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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