I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want nice things and good sex
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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