Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
