its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think my tv is drunk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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