ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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