I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
