hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
