If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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