yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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