his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
