3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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