Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
