if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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