Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
