I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
