that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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